Category Archives: Conspiracy Theories

8 Types of Bigfoots

Everyone knows about the legend of Sasquatch: a tall, hairy ape-man that roams the forests of the Pacific Northwest. But what most people are familiar with is only one type of Bigfoot. Whether they are a separate species, subspecies, or just a different variety, there are others. Almost every culture in the world has one legend or another of an elusive ape-man that can never be captured but is sighted occasionally, deep into the wilderness. These are the eight most common.

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Sasquatch, a name that is almost interchangeable with Bigfoot, is actually a more specific term for the North American variety. Sasquatches have been around for as long as humans, according to Native American legends, and are thought to have crossed the Bering Strait along with people and other animals. They were generally considered to be a spirit of the forest, but they were also reportedly spotted on rare occasions as a physical creature.

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Wendigo is a Native American Legend about a spirit that manifests itself in the form of large animals, often as a Sasquatch. It is said to have an insatiable hunger to devour mankind, and true to the legend, whenever it is reported to show up, unexpected and violent deaths follow. Some say it is a vengeful spirit, while others claim to have encountered an interdimensional being, but either way, it is an example of a Bigfoot relative that is from out of this world.

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Skunk apes are almost exactly the same as Sasquatch, with a couple exceptions. First, they live in the bogs and swamps of Florida rather than forests and mountains. Second, they stink. The stench has been associated with methane-filled bogs, but some say it comes straight from the beasts themselves.

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The Grassman is another name for  Sasquatch, but more specific. Grassmen reside in only in Ohio and some neighboring states. They feed mostly on livestock, but also hunt in the Appalachians and eat plants from the forests.

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Yeti, or Abominable Snowmen, reside in the Himalayas in Nepal and Tibet. Some say Yeti are the original variety of Bigfoot, and the others diffused and evolved from them. They are characterized by white or yellowish-white fur and a stockier build than Sasquatches. They are often confused with the Arctic variety of Sasquatch, which has a similar color but is found in the far north of North America.

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Yeren are another mysterious ape-like creature rumored to inhabit rural southern China. They are even more closely related to the North American Sasquatch than their neighbors, the Yeti. They are known to be malevolent to humans and even to eat them, and there are legends that Chinese travelers in the mountains wore tubes on their arms so they can slide out of them and escape when the Yeren captures them. It is more likely that these “tubes” were intended to prevent frostbite.

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The Mapinguari (aka Maricoxi) is another possible bigfoot relative living deep in South American rainforests. Some say it’s humanoid, while others describe a partially bipedal bear-like creature with sloth claws. Whether it is a Bigfoot relative or a remnant of an ancient species of megafauna thought to be extinct is heavily debated. The scientifically accepted explanation is that it might be a giant ground sloth, which was previously believed to be extinct.

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Yowie, Squatch’s violent Aussie cousin, has been reported to exist in the bush well before Australia was discovered. The Aboriginals described ape-like beast found in the forests near the coast that had lived there for as long as they had. Yowies are thought to be considerably more violent toward humans than Squatches, although they have not been reported to have eaten anyone yet.

There are others, too. The Almas of Kazakhstan, the Orang Pendek of Sumatra, the Chuchunaa of Siberia, and the Ebu Gogo of Indonesia are all considered subspecies of Bigfoot, but are too elusive to find good evidence or pictures. Still, it can hardly be a coincidence that every part of the world has some sort of legend of a Bigfoot. In fact, that may be the single best evidence of their existence.

8 Reasons why Jedi are EVIL

When The Phantom Menace came out in 1999, we were meant to think that the Jedi are the good guys, and after seeing Yoda and Obi-Wan, it made sense. But during the course of the prequel trilogy, the Jedi do some unethical things that make you question how it all really went down, and when you watch the movies thinking the Jedi the bad guys, it transforms the films completely. It’s supposed to be a story of how the Jedi, the noble protectors of a perfect society, found their Chosen One and trained him, but a Sith mastermind made his way into the heart of the Republic, organized a war, destroyed the Jedi, and turned the Republic into an Empire with himself at its head. But if you watch it knowing that Jedi are evil, it becomes a story of how a genius planted himself at the head of an evil organization to destroy it from the inside, and killed the galaxy’s oppressors with his own army. It may sound far-fetched, but there is evidence.

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Jedi break their own code. “There is no emotion, there is peace,” but they invade Geonosis and start a war instead of negotiating. “There is no ignorance, there is no knowledge,” but they are still secretive and hide most of their affairs even from other lower-ranking Jedi. “There is no chaos, there is harmony,” except when one of their own accidentally commissions a clone army and starts a war…you get the point.

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They are an army disguised as peacekeepers. They call themselves “keepers of the peace,” but they still prefer the frontline over protecting civilians. They were in every battle in the Clone Wars, from Geonosis to Triple Zero. They were spread so thin over all the many fronts of the war that they failed to notice the corruption in the Republic, and even in their own ranks.

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They are terrorists. Onderon, a Separatist planet, was safely behind the frontline until the Jedi came to liberate the “poor oppressed civilians” from the “evil” Separatists. The people seemed fine, though slightly unhappy with their government, but what the Jedi saw was the opportunity to recruit more people to their cause. They successfully turned entire villages against their government, teaching them how to disable battle droids and tanks. When droids discovered their location, the Jedi encouraged the civilians to riot, who, using their terrorist-training, eliminated the droids and stormed the capitol. Saw Gerrera became a rebel, terrorist, and extremist due to the Jedi and the war that they brought to a planet that was safely uninvolved.

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They ignore democracy (“My allegiance is to the Republic, to democracy!” — Obi-Wan) Mace Windu and his friends take it upon themselves to assassinate the Chancellor of the Galactic Republic and are surprised when Order 66 is issued and they are proclaimed traitors. They tried to kill the Chancellor without consulting the Senate or giving him a fair trial. He was a Sith, but it was still an illegal terrorist assassination, and in making the attempt so open, they lost all hope of a peaceful relationship with the Republic in the future.

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They abduct toddlers. Force-sensitive infants and young children are taken — kidnapped by force, if necessary — from their parents and raised with a cold detachment so they never remember their parents. When they are old enough to walk, they join a small group and learn to fight with lightsabers. Then they are selected by and apprenticed to Jedi Masters. If they are not selected, they have no choice but to become “servants of the Republic.”

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They commissioned a clone army. That may not sound very evil to you, but it is. Human fetuses with modified and messed with genes are generated and grown in blindingly bright, transparent cylinders. When they are developed enough, they are hatched and taken off life support. They begin training after only one year and are ready for simulations with live rounds after two. They are grown to maturity in ten years among distant, emotionless Kaminoans who only see blinding shades of white and believe artificial genetic selection is the only way for a species to survive.

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They hold slaves. Commanded by Jedi generals (the same ones that call themselves keepers of the peace), these kids, who are mentally only ten despite accelerated physical aging, go out to a real battlefield and fight and die in a war they didn’t start for a society that will simply dispose of them when the conflict is resolved. They have no rights and no vote; they live on dry ration cubes; they are not allowed to interact with anyone outside the Grand Army; they are always under surveillance; they are not allowed to have any belongings unless they are elite ARCs or Republic Commandos. If they try to escape or desert, their own “brothers” are sent to kill them.

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They have no guilt. After all they did, not once did they question if what they were doing was right or wrong. Not once did they feel guilty about the lives of 100,000 clone soldiers lost on Geonosis and millions more in the rest of the war, abusing them from young ages, making them fight and die like expendable pawns against their will. Or for starting a war that destroyed hundreds of planets, costing so many civilian lives. Not only do they they do these things, but unlike the Sith, who are aware that they are evil and selfish, they can look themselves in the eye and say it was the right thing, and if given the chance they would do it again and know they are the good guys.

What do you think? Are they good or bad? Comment your opinion.

The Truth Behind MK-ULTRA

The CIA has been known to do some unethical and sometimes illegal things in the past and present. Some things are justified when the intention is for the greater good, while some things are going too far, and the CIA and similar organizations can and do cross the line once in a while. Perhaps this would not be a problem if it were never revealed, but many declassified documents have shown the public things that it should never have seen. In one sentence, MK-ULTRA is a CIA program that tested chemical and biological weapons on ordinary citizens during the Cold War, often without their knowledge or consent.

It was launched in 1953 with multiple goals in mind. The program attempted to develop substances that strengthen or induce hypnosis and produce shock and confusion, and a “truth serum”-like drug for interrogation. On the other hand, they also tried to develop ones that prevent hypnosis and improve resistance to interrogation. Another objective was a drug that can limit and control the behavior of citizens, so mind alteration/control were also heavily experimented with. Needless to say, not all experiments were approved by Congress, and a public confession was eventually forced.

It is unknown if the CIA succeeded in developing these and other biological weapons, though it is unlikely that it was all fruitless. The explanation provided for the motive behind the project was that the US was forced to do this because rival countries had already developed similar weapons and would use them in the near future.

Many experiments using the drug LSD were dangerous to patients, and multiple subjects were hospitalized. Disturbingly, some tests caused symptoms of paranoia and schizophrenia, while others were lethal, and yet the project continued without second thought. In November 1953, a group of ten CIA scientists were drugged with modified LSD via cocktails and only informed afterwards. One of them mysteriously fell to his death from a 10th floor hotel room he shared with a CIA officer that night, and no, you are not the only one who thinks he was assassinated. A second autopsy revealed wounds from before impact, and most people agree that they were not self-inflicted.

Institutions such as hospitals, universities, and even prisons were involved in MK-ULTRA. The CIA bribed many of them to get their consent to perform experiments. Note that they bribed the institutions, not the patients. The subjects didn’t know that they were being experimented on until afterwards.

Only two lawsuits made it to the Supreme Court, both of which apparently favored the project over human rights, so both were discarded. The CIA claims nearly all records of the program were “lost” so no one would have to deal with them again. The project was shut down due to the spiking death toll and to avoid further controversy in 1973, but some say the project continues under other names.

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Neanderthals and the Legend of Sasquatch

Homo neanderthalis is supposed to be stupid. But 40,000 years ago they had big and advanced brains like Homo sapiens. So why did humans win? Did they? What if the neanderthals were so much more advanced that they outsmarted humans, and we still haven’t caught on? This is kind of far fetched, but I will nonetheless try to support the idea that neanderthals are the ancestors of the modern Bigfoot.

Obviously, Bigfoots are smart. It takes skill to stay hidden for so long, and they pulled it off, with only a handful of remotely believable sightings ever recorded. With a bit of imagination, you can even say that the famous video of one looking back at the camera he didn’t know existed is a sign of intelligence, not ignorant costuming; it was smart enough to know that the camera was there, knew it had been found, and made the tape look like a prank. Maybe they are arranging “sightings” purposefully to leave clues to test how smart humans really are. If they have their own hidden society somewhere were no one ever bothers them, then they have much fewer problems than humans do, meaning they can focus on other things, such as taking the world back from humans.

Many of the physical characteristics match up too. Neanderthals were taller and bigger than humans, and had more hair. It would make sense that when neanderthals disappeared, they did not go extinct, just fled to the forests and mountains where humans couldn’t follow. Because of this, they lived in colder climates, they needed their hair, and didn’t evolve into hairless freaks like humans. They were meant for sprinting rather than long distance like humans, which explains why Bigfoots can hit 30 mph but rarely chase humans far. Neanderthals also had longer arms compared to their bodies, like Bigfoots.

Unfortunately this cannot be proven without capturing and DNA testing a Bigfoot/neanderthal. According to a somewhat extremely unreliable source, a Bigfoot was captured in Brazil in 1897, but all the researchers did was feed it bananas, which it appeared to take as an insult. It broke out promptly after, leaving no trace. No one has ever come any closer since then.

Regarding Bigfoot

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An artistic representation of a rather fat Bigfoot

This is absolutely everything you need to know about the the world’s greatest hide-and-seek champions:

  • They are known as Sasquatch or just Squatch, and the arctic variety is the Yeti or Abominable Snowman, although they could be a separate species.
  • They’re 7-10 feet tall, usually bipedal, with black, brown, reddish brown, cream, or even turquoise-stained white hair and fur.
  • Their face resembles a monkey or ape, with a flat black nose.
  • They are strong and can jump the length of their bodies.
  • They are mostly vegetarian, but have been known to eat deer, and in some cases pets, though that last one is unconfirmed. If they eat humans at all they leave no witnesses.
  • Their footprint is 12-22 inches long by 5-11 at the ball and 2-8 at the heel, similar to a bear, gorilla, or human in shape.
  • They tend to be crepuscular (active at dusk and dawn) but have been spotted in broad daylight and at night.
  • They live mostly in the Pacific Northwest and Canada, but have been spotted around the globe.
  • They tend to reside in dense and semi-dense forests in cold(ish) climates, especially old growth redwoods.
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A particularly large footprint from a Squatch who got…petrified?

Some safety tips:

  • Squatches will leave you alone if you don’t draw attention to yourself or eat good food.
  • Once provoked, offering food or acting funny is the best course of action (they have a crude sense of humor).
  • They are unaffected by pepper spray
  • They are intelligent, so don’t play dead.
  • Have some common sense and don’t attack or run from a ten foot tall ape-man.
  • Never harm a Bigfoot. They a rare and endangered species (on the endangered species list of Russia since 1965, France and Germany since 1967), and must be studied alive. A DNA sample could be worth millions.
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Because Squatch and cars don’t go well together.

Other things to note:

  • They like Kit-Kat
  • Bananas are insulting
  • They can’t sneeze
  • They can’t cry
  • North Cascades National Park, WA is the most common location of sightings in the US.
  • 21% of Americans believe in Bigfoot — 1% less than those who believe in the Big Bang

What do you think? Are they real, or just another mythical cryptid? Comment your opinion!

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A famous incident of a Squatch in the ’60s looking back at the camera he didn’t know was there