Category Archives: Conspiracy Theories

The Truth Behind MK-ULTRA

The CIA has been known to do some unethical and sometimes illegal things in the past and present. Some things are justified when the intention is for the greater good, while some things are going too far, and the CIA and similar organizations can and do cross the line once in a while. Perhaps this would not be a problem if it were never revealed, but many declassified documents have shown the public things that it should never have seen. In one sentence, MK-ULTRA is a CIA program that tested chemical and biological weapons on ordinary citizens during the Cold War, often without their knowledge or consent.

It was launched in 1953 with multiple goals in mind. The program attempted to develop substances that strengthen or induce hypnosis and produce shock and confusion, and a “truth serum”-like drug for interrogation. On the other hand, they also tried to develop ones that prevent hypnosis and improve resistance to interrogation. Another objective was a drug that can limit and control the behavior of citizens, so mind alteration/control were also heavily experimented with. Needless to say, not all experiments were approved by Congress, and a public confession was eventually forced.

It is unknown if the CIA succeeded in developing these and other biological weapons, though it is unlikely that it was all fruitless. The explanation provided for the motive behind the project was that the US was forced to do this because rival countries had already developed similar weapons and would use them in the near future.

Many experiments using the drug LSD were dangerous to patients, and multiple subjects were hospitalized. Disturbingly, some tests caused symptoms of paranoia and schizophrenia, while others were lethal, and yet the project continued without second thought. In November 1953, a group of ten CIA scientists were drugged with modified LSD via cocktails and only informed afterwards. One of them mysteriously fell to his death from a 10th floor hotel room he shared with a CIA officer that night, and no, you are not the only one who thinks he was assassinated. A second autopsy revealed wounds from before impact, and most people agree that they were not self-inflicted.

Institutions such as hospitals, universities, and even prisons were involved in MK-ULTRA. The CIA bribed many of them to get their consent to perform experiments. Note that they bribed the institutions, not the patients. The subjects didn’t know that they were being experimented on until afterwards.

Only two lawsuits made it to the Supreme Court, both of which apparently favored the project over human rights, so both were discarded. The CIA claims nearly all records of the program were “lost” so no one would have to deal with them again. The project was shut down due to the spiking death toll and to avoid further controversy in 1973, but some say the project continues under other names.

1911gd0iopabxpng

Neanderthals and the Legend of Sasquatch

Homo neanderthalis is supposed to be stupid. But 40,000 years ago they had big and advanced brains like Homo sapiens. So why did humans win? Did they? What if the neanderthals were so much more advanced that they outsmarted humans, and we still haven’t caught on? This is kind of far fetched, but I will nonetheless try to support the idea that neanderthals are the ancestors of the modern Bigfoot.

Obviously, Bigfoots are smart. It takes skill to stay hidden for so long, and they pulled it off, with only a handful of remotely believable sightings ever recorded. With a bit of imagination, you can even say that the famous video of one looking back at the camera he didn’t know existed is a sign of intelligence, not ignorant costuming; it was smart enough to know that the camera was there, knew it had been found, and made the tape look like a prank. Maybe they are arranging “sightings” purposefully to leave clues to test how smart humans really are. If they have their own hidden society somewhere were no one ever bothers them, then they have much fewer problems than humans do, meaning they can focus on other things, such as taking the world back from humans.

Many of the physical characteristics match up too. Neanderthals were taller and bigger than humans, and had more hair. It would make sense that when neanderthals disappeared, they did not go extinct, just fled to the forests and mountains where humans couldn’t follow. Because of this, they lived in colder climates, they needed their hair, and didn’t evolve into hairless freaks like humans. They were meant for sprinting rather than long distance like humans, which explains why Bigfoots can hit 30 mph but rarely chase humans far. Neanderthals also had longer arms compared to their bodies, like Bigfoots.

Unfortunately this cannot be proven without capturing and DNA testing a Bigfoot/neanderthal. According to a somewhat extremely unreliable source, a Bigfoot was captured in Brazil in 1897, but all the researchers did was feed it bananas, which it appeared to take as an insult. It broke out promptly after, leaving no trace. No one has ever come any closer since then.

Regarding Bigfoot

275052-cryptozoology-bigfoot-wallpaper
An artistic representation of a rather fat Bigfoot

This is absolutely everything you need to know about the the world’s greatest hide-and-seek champions:

  • They are known as Sasquatch or just Squatch, and the arctic variety is the Yeti or Abominable Snowman, although they could be a separate species.
  • They’re 7-10 feet tall, usually bipedal, with black, brown, reddish brown, cream, or even turquoise-stained white hair and fur.
  • Their face resembles a monkey or ape, with a flat black nose.
  • They are strong and can jump the length of their bodies.
  • They are mostly vegetarian, but have been known to eat deer, and in some cases pets, though that last one is unconfirmed. If they eat humans at all they leave no witnesses.
  • Their footprint is 12-22 inches long by 5-11 at the ball and 2-8 at the heel, similar to a bear, gorilla, or human in shape.
  • They tend to be crepuscular (active at dusk and dawn) but have been spotted in broad daylight and at night.
  • They live mostly in the Pacific Northwest and Canada, but have been spotted around the globe.
  • They tend to reside in dense and semi-dense forests in cold(ish) climates, especially old growth redwoods.
1044665394
A particularly large footprint from a Squatch who got…petrified?

Some safety tips:

  • Squatches will leave you alone if you don’t draw attention to yourself or eat good food.
  • Once provoked, offering food or acting funny is the best course of action (they have a crude sense of humor).
  • They are unaffected by pepper spray
  • They are intelligent, so don’t play dead.
  • Have some common sense and don’t attack or run from a ten foot tall ape-man.
  • Never harm a Bigfoot. They a rare and endangered species (on the endangered species list of Russia since 1965, France and Germany since 1967), and must be studied alive. A DNA sample could be worth millions.
r960-ef58a5c35611f8bccb9f1ea836ad4b1c
Because Squatch and cars don’t go well together.

Other things to note:

  • They like Kit-Kat
  • Bananas are insulting
  • They can’t sneeze
  • They can’t cry
  • North Cascades National Park, WA is the most common location of sightings in the US.
  • 21% of Americans believe in Bigfoot — 1% less than those who believe in the Big Bang

What do you think? Are they real, or just another mythical cryptid? Comment your opinion!

58db36ac768d2-image
A famous incident of a Squatch in the ’60s looking back at the camera he didn’t know was there